“Your husband is having a heart attack,” the ER nurse says.

I watch Mike’s breaths get shorter and shorter.

“He is not!” I want to scream back.

But instead, I sit here watching.

After all, he was in the same ER a few days earlier with pressure in his chest. But after a series of tests, and a host of needle pricks, we were told it was his blood pressure. So after a day and a half of no fun, they sent us on our way with a slew of new medications.

“His heart is strong,” the cardiologist had said, as his whole team nodded in agreement.

It was his blood pressure

And now they were telling me today that he is having a heart attack?
Sorry, but my mind is stuck in what they told me that first time, so I just wait till she realizes she’s wrong.

I’m pretty calm. In fact, I notice I’m the calmest of everyone around.

“Hi, I’m Chaplain Jim,” a man says as he enters the room.

I wonder why he’s here. He’s telling me play by play what they are doing. I mean, it’s nice that he’s here, I just don’t understand why.

“I need to go to the bathroom,” I tell Chaplain Jim.

“Let me show you where it is,” he says, getting up.

I’m okay leaving Mike because they are seeing to his needs.

He’s gone

When I get back he’s gone. Someone tells me he’s been transported to another room.

“I’ll show you where you can wait,” the nurse says.

I wonder if I should have woken our daughter up before leaving. Or if I should have called our son? No, I rationalize. I don’t have any answers, except what they are telling me now. And I’m just waiting for them to see they’re wrong. It’s his blood pressure. Thoughts can be so stubborn.

I’m being escorted to a new area and handed a little gizmo, much like the ones you get in a restaurant when you have to wait for a seat.

“When this flashes, bring it to me,” the nurse says.

More waiting

I sit with others around me, but feel all alone. I wonder who they are waiting for.

“God, let Mike be okay,” I pray. But I’m not worried. After all, he has a strong heart, they said so.

I feel peace. I know God is with me. He always reminds me of this. He gives me peace that passes understanding, and I’ve tasted that peace over and over at different times in my life.

I tasted it when I had to testify at my sister’s murder trial.

I tasted it when my daughter was born at 3 1/2 pounds and I nearly died. I’m so thankful for God’s peace.

It’s my turn

As I sit there looking at the gizmo in my hand, it flashes and I hear a buzzing. I’ve seen things like this at restaurants. This certainly isn’t as much fun.

“When the phone rings, pick it up,” a nurse tells me as I hand her my gizmo.

“Are you with Mike Peterson?” the voice on the telephone asks.

“Yes,” I answer.

“Your husband was given an emergency angiogram which showed he had a blockage.

What?!

Time seems to freeze. She says words that do not match what I expected. A blockage? How could he have a blockage?

The nurse continues, “They put a stent in and he’s going to be fine. A surgeon will be out to see you shortly.”

My legs feel like jello as I try to walk back to my seat. I don’t have to look at the TV screen to track where he is.

I’m aware of the people around me. I wonder what their stories are and who they are waiting for at this ungodly hour.

I just have to ask

Just then a surgeon approaches me holding out an Ipad.

“Hello,” he says, “Are you Mrs. Peterson?” I nod as I shake his hand.

“Here is a picture of your husband’s blockage…here is the stent, and as you can see, the artery is now clear and doing well.”

What is he talking about? I want to scream, but nothing comes out.

I still need to ask, I have to know.

“So did my husband have a heart attack?” I spit out.

“Yes, he did,” he says, as if I had asked, “Is this a waiting room?”

He continues, “We will come and get you when we’ve transported him to a room.”

I’m stunned

I sit back down and I’m bombarded with a series of ‘what ifs?’

• What if I hadn’t brought him in when he woke me breathing short breaths and holding his chest? Instead I told him, “Breathe deeply, it’s just your blood pressure.”
• What if he hadn’t changed his mind when I asked him if I could then call the hospital?
• What if he had gotten even worse in the car?

The whole thing hits me hard. I guess sometimes ignorance IS bliss. I know I would have been a basket case if I knew what was really happening. They probably wondered why I seemed so calm.

Relax

Now I needed to stay calm. With all the crazy thoughts racing around I could feel my peace slipping away.

I was scared driving him to the hospital. Just as scared as I was when he went in the ambulance just two days prior. My feelings start to overwhelm me. Tears slide down my face.

I am so thankful I wasn’t ever alone. And when I went through a red light at 3:00 am I can still here Mike’s voice yelling, “Please, DON’T STOP!”

God is sovereign

God was not surprised by this situation. He’s never surprised.

He’s the one who gave me peace.

And he’s the one who gives me strength.

Life is unpredictable, but God is faithful. And when our lives become difficult, he is there.

I look over at my sleeping husband. The one I married 40 years ago, come July. God has helped us in our marriage over the rough spots. God has been our constant companion.

I sigh, knowing once again, God took care of us.

Note: A version of this story appeared on Medium.com

Call to Action:

What was a scary time in your life?
Can you share a time God strengthened you?
I’d love to hear from you.