“Should we stop for something to eat?” I asked my husband, when we had finished loading up the van.
We were on our way home from a retreat. I got to share my poetry and then offer my poetry pieces for sale. My heart felt full. Not only did people seem to like them, but we made $1250.00 in sales! Thank you God.
“No, I’m kinda tired,” he replied.
“Are you sure? We can go just about anywhere?” I said, chuckling.
But both he and my friend Kym, who had come along to help, declined. So I settled down for the hour drive home. Reaching into my purse, I couldn’t see the pouch of money. My heart started beating fast. Was this going to be a crushing disappointment? I swallowed hard.
“Mike, I don’t have the money.”
“Please tell me you’re kidding,” he said.
“I’m not,” I almost whispered.
When we got home, we tore open boxes looking for the zipper pouch. And then it hit me. I must have put the pouch down when I went to the restroom, there at the Lincolnshire Hotel.
Quickly dialing their number, I explained my situation.
“We’re sorry but no one has turned anything in. We’ll call you if they do.”
And something hit me in the stomach. It was a familiar feeling — disappointment.
So what do you do when your plans fail and you are left to deal with the hurt?
Immediately I called my church asking for prayer. Then what?
Give God your disappointment
I had prayed in the van, I prayed once we got home. Those hours afterwards became one long conversation with God. In 2Peter 5:7 tells us what we need to do with our concerns. We are told to cast them on God. When my grandson Charlie would come over, sometimes he would lay his McQueen car down and then forget where it was. That car meant everything to him. And because of my love for Charlie, I would help him find it. For the things that mattered to Charlie, mattered to me too.
And it’s so true with God. I pray for parking spots, ask God to give me boldness when I have to do something difficult. No prayer request is too small to our big God. He cares about what we care about. But even knowing that, how could I move on, when this disappointment threatened to disrupt my peace?
Then God gave me this poem:
Disappointment
Lord, I’m so discouraged, the plans I had fell through.
I sit with disappointment and don’t know what to do.
I had my day all figured out, most everything was planned.
But nothing went the way I thought, and I don’t understand.
He answers with compassion, “I know you are in pain.
Just trust in me completely. Your loss will turn to gain.”
Trust God when you don’t understand
Read Proverbs 3:5–6. It tells us how we’re supposed to wholly trust in God. These verses apply to us all the time. And here was an opportunity for me to put it into practice. Then I remembered my conversation with God earlier that morning.
“Do you trust me?” he asked.
“Yes, Lord, I trust you.” I answered. “I don’t care how much money we make.”
One of our temptations when we’re experiencing disappointment is to try and figure things out. But we must fight that. God asks us to lean on him, not on our own understanding. I had been down this road before. And I knew I’d be tempted to blame God, to get angry and to let resentment grow.
God knew we needed that money. He knew I had even borrowed money for frames and mats.
I tried to lean in on God. I determined to trust him even though I did not understand. I would focus on who God was, not what had just happened.
Focus is everything.
Look at who God is
Read Matthew 14:28–31. When Peter saw Jesus out on the water, he wanted to join him. So Peter stepped out of the boat. He was the only one who tried. And there he was water-walking. What an exhilarating feeling that must have been. And he was doing it well, until. Peter took his eyes off the Savior. It was then, Peter noticed the wind and saw the waves. No longer was he exercising his faith. Doubts slipped in and he slipped down.
And that’s how it is with us.
The phone rang, it was my teenage son from youth group. “Mom, they told me something happened, but they wouldn’t tell me what it was. What’s going on?”
“Nathan, I made $1250.00 and then I lost it.”
“Mom, it’s only money. God had another reason for you to do it.”
In that moment, I was reminded, God is bigger than our problems and he is sovereign. Read Romans 8:28. Just because we take a detour doesn’t mean that God doesn’t know about it. God can take our detours and make them into something of value.
Our detours are not detours to God.
But we need to also be honest with God.
Tell God how you feel
Too often we get the idea we have to hide our feelings from God. As if he would not be able to handle them. But nothing could be further from the truth. When we are lost in our feelings and the waves are covering us, we need to call out to God as Peter did. To call out knowing he cares about us. When Peter called out to God, God didn’t scold him for doubting. The Bible says immediately God lifted him out.
We have a tendency to moralize our emotions. To see them as bad or good. But feelings are feelings. And God can handle all of our emotions. After all, he’s the one who made them.
One thing remained. Something I was challenging myself with — Praise.
Find a reason to praise God
Praising God would be a stretch. After all, why would I praise him when he could have prevented the whole thing? That was just crazy. But God is worthy of praise no matter what is going on in our lives. I wasn’t praising God that I lost the money; I was praising God because of who he was.
I realized, even though I lost the money, people had been touched by my work. Furthermore, I thought about my conversation with God. I realized sometimes I say I’m trusting him when I’m not. But I know I’ll have a lot of opportunities to learn how to deal with disappointments.
Dear Lord, Help us to give you our disappointments, to trust you when we don’t understand. Help us to focus on who you are and to always tell you how we feel. And Lord, help us to always praise you no matter what. We pray this in Jesus’ precious name, Amen.
Originally published on www.crosswalk.com
Call to Action
What about you?
Do you struggle with a disappointment that’s hard to release?
I’d love to hear about it.
Dear Anne,
Thank you for your article on disappointments. It rouches me and rings true on a deep level. I’m healing from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from long term childhood trauma and sexual abuse. I’m totally aware of what happened to me and even mostly why my parents were the way they were. With that understanding comes tremendous grief and disappointment. For who I had as parents and I’m grieving what my life could have been if I’d had emotionally healthy parents. With grief and disappointment comes anger and rage at them, myself and God. I’m praying and surrendering and working with a therapist but I’m having a hard time trusting God. Thank you again for this article and prayer it helps focus my attention on God where it needs to be.
Hi Rebecca,
I thought I would respond by email to you.Thank you for your comments about my article, How to Trust God with Crushing Disappointment. I also have struggled with PTSD from childhood trauma. I’m sorry you have suffered with that and also suffered with sexual abuse.
My dad used to get enraged and he would beat us with his belt. While my brothers got it worse than I did, I was ultra sensitive, so all he needed to do was yell, and I was crushed. I had to grieve
the childhood I always wanted and never had. I was a caretaker and when my mom went to work I was made responsible for my younger siblings. My dad did come home for the evening but he usually sat in front of the TV till he fell asleep. Because of the way my dad was, my image of God was skewed. I wrote an article about that as well. It’s called 10 Truths for Those Whose Fathers Skewed Their Image of God
I went to a Bible study and learned about how much God loved me, but I struggled believing it, because of how I grew up. And yet, when I did hold onto that truth I also came to understand that God is nothing like my father. God was loving and kind and He accepts me just as I am.
I’m glad that you have a therapist who is working through this with you. Give yourself grace. Just take little steps.
God is patient and loving and we know that when we accept His Son, that God starts a work in us that He will continue until heaven.
Let me pray for you.
Father God, I lift Rebecca up to you. I thank you for the therapist she has and the journey that she is taking. God, I ask you to reveal to Rebecca how you are a loving Father, and that you are nothing like the fathers we had. I ask you to guide and direct her and that you would help her see she is free to let you know her feelings. You have given us our feelings and you understand. Thank you, Lord, for what you are doing in her life. I pray this in your Son’s precious and Holy name. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Thanks again for your comments, Rebecca.