(Five minute Friday )
We were on our way home.
We had just finished a retreat with Willow Creek, where I was able to do a poetry workshop. Then I sold pieces of my poetry. We made $1250.00 for the weekend.
After loading up our pieces I asked, “Should we stop somewhere to eat?”
My husband and friend responded, “No, let’s just go home.”
Kiddingly I told them we could go anywhere we wanted. And then I started looking for the zipper pouch that held our earnings.
A few minutes later I said, “Mike, I can’t find the money.”
“Please, tell me you’re kidding.”
“No, it’s true.”
By the time we got home, I called Lincolnshire Hotel to inquire if anyone had turned it in, but was told no.
I called my church to ask for prayer.
My son, Nathan called to say, “Mom they told me at youth group something’s up, what happened?”
“Oh Nathan, I made $1250.00 and then I lost it,” I cried into the phone.
“Mom, it’s only money. God must have had another reason for this.”
And so I got off the phone. And immediately I remembered a conversation I had with the Lord that morning.
“Do you trust me?” God asked.
“Yes Lord, you know I trust you. I don’t care how much money we make.”
I lied to God.
Note: Here is a poem I wrote after this experience, entitled: Disappointment.
Lord, I’m so discouraged,the plans I had fell through
I sit with disappointment,
and don’t know what to do.
I had my day all figured out,
most everything was planned.
But nothing went the way I thought
and I don’t understand.
He answers with compassion,
“I know you are in pain,
Just trust in me completely,
your loss will turn to gain.”
LOVE the poem! How very true those words are! I followed over from FMF. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
Thanks Jenn. Everyone at one time or another will be disappointed. It’s just a necessary part of life. But seeing as such might help compared to thinking life “should” go smoothly.
Ah Ann, this story hits me very close to the bone Ann. Which is worse I wonder, to pray what you did so readily or to not even say it. I don’t think you lied Ann. You believed that’s what you could do. It’s what you wanted to be true. That’s admirable. Everytime I try to pray like that … I only end up with, Dear Lord, forgive my lack of trust!
Audrey,
I knew my heart that day. I agree I would have liked to have trusted God. I thought I was. But when that money was gone I struggled. Let me say even before that I struggled. I kept looking at all the people who were not aware I was there. My heart truly was NOT in the right place. One thing that made things even more difficult was that I had borrowed money to buy mats and frames. The company graciously let me take some back.
Your posts are so heartfelt. Thank you for your raw honesty, Anne. The title of your post caught my attention and I have to admit, I’ve lied to God too. I know He’s all I need, yet I’ve looked for fulfillment in so many other places. Thanks for this gentle reminder. God bless~
Maria,
Thanks for your comment. Sometimes it’s hard to be honest in our writing. But, if we’re going to really reach others we have to be willing to be transparent. It’s funny, with all the stories I’ve shared when I speak, the one of the lost money is the one people remember.
It’s really hard when we don’t see the complete picture. It probably shouldn’t be hard for us, but (at least for me) situations like this can be tough to swallow. But then I think … God is so good. He is so faithful. There’s a reason, one we just might not understand this side of heaven. Not regarding money, but I recently had a big disappointment – to me. I had been planning on attending a women’s conference with my best friend for over a year. On short notice she wasn’t able to attend. I was somewhat sad and disappointed. I had been looking forward to this time with her, as it’s hard for us to get together. Once I got over my initial disappointment, I prayed and asked God who should get the ticket. I knew God wouldn’t have wanted it to go to waste. I also asked my husband to pray about it. God gave us both the same person’s name. I asked that person and she was able to come. God’s plan wasn’t for my best friend to have that ticket (it had been a birthday present for her). God’s plan was to have a new friend I have been blessed to get to know attend with me. There were blessings for my new friend that weekend. There were blessings for me that weekend. And, our friendship was blessed with a depth we didn’t have before. She has been going through a lot and I am so glad God gave the ticket to her. She needed refreshment and strengthening. Like I said, I was truly blessed too. She’s a beautiful woman, with a beautiful heart. If I would have continued my course of pouting, I might have missed the blessing God had for me, my friend, and our friendship.
Tracy,
Loved the story you shared about the ticket. I love it when things work out. I wrote a piece about when God told me to “Stay on the Phone.” We don’t understand things in our lives, but we are still encouraged to trust God. We’re to trust in who He is, not what He can do. I think we often make that mistake.
Believe me, there are many questions in my life. Difficult questions. My sister’s death to domestic violence, the many losses in my life including my brother’s baby at two weeks old, and then my brother just this past February though he was just 52. God is good. This is a fact and though tempted we can’t determine his goodness by what he allows or doesn’t allow in our lives. I just love it when he gives us special blessings like the one he gave this new friend of yours. Sometimes he asks us to trust him without seeing anything. I believe in pain, I see him most clearly.
Thanks for reading and for your comments.
Sometimes we think God is testing us, sometimes I think we ourselves lose faith only for a minute. I don’t think it is unnatural to feel this way We are only human. Yet I love how your son said it was only money because my father use to say that all the time. Life goes on and we survive but it can be disappointing. Loved the poem.
Kath,
Thanks for reading and for your encouragement. That poem is one of my favorites. This happened way back in 1996 or so. Still, I will remember the story.
I love your honest heart and transparency here. It’s real. And your poem speaks so eloquently of how we should trust God in every season of pain. What a great lesson. Thanks for sharing, and glad the poetry workshop went well, even though everything didn’t go as you planned. ~Tanya, from FMF
Tanya,
Thanks for reading and for your encouraging comments.
Oh Anne, sometimes I feel so bad about something that I cannot pray because I know I will be lying to God. Your post a strong reminder that I should rather trust God and tell Him everything and not lie.
Oh Patricia, God already knows how we feel. Even the anger we sometimes store inside of us till it seethes out. God knows I struggle with the holes He’s allowed in my life. That I don’t understand the losses and the “whys.” And while it would be good to trust the only one worth trusting, He also knows it’s sometimes so hard, just like it was with Thomas. Do you notice Jesus could have put him down for not believing like the other disciples, but He didn’t. Instead, when he came he asked where Thomas was and he appeared to Him, showing Thomas just what He needed. I believe God knows when we are hurting and He weeps too. This world would have been a lot different without man’s fall. Without that, there would have been no death. One day. One day it will be as He wanted it to be.