I was shocked when the numbers kept rising. Sure, one time a poem I wrote reached 50,000 people on Facebook, and I was thrilled. But this was different. My poem reached over 1,605,000 hurting people. And not only that, 6,500 people had shared it! And it now has over 1200 comments.
Mark Twain said, “Write what you know.” And I’ve been posting a meme every day for over a year. Much of it is hot off the press.
Write what I know? What do I know? I know grief. It’s true, I know about other stuff. I know poetry, I know… um, let’s see… Okay, mostly, I know grief.
And I remember when it first started.
As a Child
You see, grief came and visited me as a child and never seemed to leave. Oh, maybe sometimes we’d get a little reprieve, and then when grief reappeared he would camp out.
I learned grief comes in waves and you never know when the next wave will come. It’s painful when you watch your loved one suffer and die. But there’s another kind of pain you feel when you’re not there to watch them take their final breath.
It hurts when death attacks your family, like when it grabs your loved one’s heart and squeezes it too hard.
One of my greatest losses was when I lost my mother. But since she wasn’t my first loss, let me back up and tell you about when I was 12. Our 6 year old cousin, Julie, had just won a bicycle and she was proudly riding it outside, hoping everyone would see her. And I’m sure everyone did, except the garbage man whose truck ran over her.
The next day when my parents told our Grandma, she died as well. They said it was heart failure, but her heart knew how to beat. Her heart just broke.
You can’t go through two funerals in one week and not have it affect you.
But let me share an even earlier loss. I was 6 years old when mom told us to go downstairs to wait for our Aunt Jeanette. She was going to take us to Kiddieland. I had overheard my parents talking, and being the future writer I was meant to be, I skipped down the stairs chanting,
“Yia Yia’s dead, Yia Yia’s dead.”
As my Aunt Jeanette heard my words, she rushed past me up the stairs. No one explained to us what happened, but we never saw Grandma again. And everyone around me wore black for a very long time.
But even that death was not my first introduction.
I was 5 when one day we played outside in front of our house. We were always warned to be careful being near the big street. Our big street was Jackson Boulevard in Chicago.
Our childhood fun and laughter stopped suddenly when we heard a screech and loud boom. We all looked around for Billy who was 3. He had run into the big street to get his rubber ball. Billy never came back. I can still hear the sound of his mother calling his name and wailing that summer night.
Yes, I was introduced to death at a young age.
Grief just kept coming back again and again. Grief is an intruder. And I learned each time you grieve someone’s death, there are still fragments left from earlier losses.
My life changed forever
I was 16 when my mom died of a stroke. She was there one day, and gone the next.
She used to say she didn’t want anyone to bring her flowers when she was gone.
Unappreciated flowers were everywhere. Her death changed me forever.
Then at 24, I stood before my father’s hospital bed. He apologized for being physically abusive. The next day the cancer he had took him. But grief wasn’t done with our family. He had just begun.
When I was 30, we lost our sister to domestic violence. That death shook my siblings and me to the core. I wrote about it in my book, Broken: A story of abuse, survival and hope.
Now could we live for a while without grief? The short answer was no. Grief has a voracious appetite. It would visit and take others we loved.
I Got a Call
“Anne I have something to tell you. I have pancreatic cancer,” my brother Gus, said. He had surgery and they said it was gone, and we rejoiced. Until we got another call not too long after.
“Anne, would you do me a favor and tell George and Steve?”
And still another call, “Anne, would you make the final arrangements for me to be cremated?”
There was the time I helped my brother Steve and his wife Annie when they had their first child. And after five days, I returned home to get still another call.
“Anne, pray, the baby is blue, they are working on him now.”
I paced back and forth pleading with God. “God, not the baby.”
But the next call, Steve simply said, “He’s gone.”
And their baby’s casket was laid atop our mother’s casket, because, well we just had to. It gave some comfort to my brother, who only knew mom for 7 years.
You also grieve when you lose someone you never got to hold yet. That happened to me twice. There are no little losses. Every loss hurts big.
And it seems like we often get calls that bring the grief on. My brother, Steve had a heart attack. Finally he would be with his baby son again. Steve was only 51.
And still another call
Another call came that was hard to hear. I even thought if I could get my son to stop talking, it wouldn’t be true. But it was true. In March 2016, we released white balloons in a pure blue sky and said goodbye to our granddaughter, Olivia Jane Peterson. She was only 14 months old. The doctors had said she would probably not make it to her birth, but nobody told Livie.
When you lose a grandchild, the grief is compounded. Yes, I was grieving Livie, but I also hurt as I watched my son, Nathan and his wife, Heather, as they stood before the casket. And I watched my 3 grandchildren lose their baby sister.
Memories can keep us company when we hurt. One such memory is when Livie’s siblings would gently touch their foreheads to their sister’s forehead. Their way to love Livie.
Or the time I asked why they named her Livie, and Charlie, who was 7, explained, “It’s because it has the word, “live” in it. We want her to live.” You never forget memories like that.
There used to be seven people in my immediate family. Now it’s just two. Me and my brother, George.
I understand grief
I understand grief because it’s been around my whole life. And because of that, I still remember how it felt. And I don’t want anyone to ever feel alone in their grief.
When we grieve, we feel as if our world has just shattered and we can’t understand how those around us can keep going as if nothing has happened. How can the sun shine when inside everything feels so dark?
In 1972, I accepted the Lord at a home Bible study. There I learned about God loving us so much He sent Jesus to die for us. I also learned that God is near the brokenhearted. He helped me through my grief because God knew that I would accept Jesus.
I wrote a book called Always There, talking about God’s presence in our grief, and how he hurts with us.
Reaching those who hurt
With Christmas approaching in 2023, I scheduled this meme to post on Facebook. It posted on December 22nd. This is the meme:
Why did I write it?
I wanted those who are grieving to not feel alone in their grief. I talked about how I felt going through the motions of daily life. Almost like a book I wrote called Getting Through The Holidays. I talked about how the time had passed and seemed to meld together. And how holding onto our memories seems to somehow help.
Seeing the hurt in those 900 comments made me want to respond. So I jumped in. After writing 324 responses, and feeling like I had made progress, the number of comments jumped to 1200 at the end of the day!
And these were not one word comments. People were openly sharing about losing their husbands, their children, or other loved ones. I felt honored that they were sharing with me.
Did you read my poem in December?
If you are someone who read my poem on Facebook, Times Spent with Me, I want to thank you. And if you were one of the 6,500 people who shared that poem, words cannot convey how grateful I am.
Grieving people need to know they are not alone. If we can be present with them in some small way, maybe they will hurt a little less.
My name is Anne Peterson.
Life is hard. I write words to make it softer.
If you are weary, listen to my podcast called Words for the Weary as I share my poetry about the struggles we face and God’s faithfulness. Listen Here
If you or someone you know is in grief. I’d like to offer you my free ebooks
Helping Someone in Grief and Real Love here.
Wonderful blog post. You are so good at giving words to my aching heart. Thank you for your poetry and your time. Thank you four your commitment and giving so much comfort to the grieving ones.
Belinda,
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I feel strongly that I’m to encourage those who are hurting.
I’m sorry your heart is aching. Have you lost a loved one?
Anne
010624
Anne Peterson :
You are a child of God !
Always trust God !
God Bless !
Dr. Eric Lindquist D.Div. Chairman IEM
International Ecumenical Mission (IEM)
This is amazing! I’m not on Facebook so I can’t see it, but I’m so inspired to hear that you touched so many hearts.
Kathleen,
Thanks so much. I’m just asking the Lord to show me next steps.
How is it going with you???
Anne
Oh Anne,
There are just not enough words to express my feelings and thoughts after reading all the loss. I know how much you love our Lord Jesus, He holds you by the hand each and every day. You are always in my thoughts and prayers, Victoria Worthington
Vickie,
Thank you for your comment. You’re right the Lord does hold my hand each day. Thanks for all the prayers and for your encouragement.
Thamk you for duch poignant remembrance of those loved.
I am a domestic violence survivor by a squatter of 10 years in m home. No rent, no comensation or gratitude. He came to finish law school, never did. Full blown functioning alcoholic yet hid it well. I now believe the reason in part for my 7 years of being bedridden is, he was poisoning me.
I also survived an attack at age 19 by a stalker while riding my bike home. My mother told the police i brought it on to myself. My dad tore out of our home with his gun going to find the perpetrator. I still see the man’s face 51 years later.
My younger brother, Michael, retired County Sheriff, of of the good cops, took his life at the end of a cul de sac in TX. Avid hunter, fisherman, he knew exactly what was going to happen.
Even had razor blades in his jacket pocket, in the event, the gun failed. My dad, passed a year later at 90 broken hearted, could not wrap his head around Michael’s pain.
My 90 year young mother maintains a little under an acre, same property she and dad purchased in 1957, on her own.
I have moved forward, leaving my family home to be engaged at 70 years yoing to the love of my life. We both had love find us. Another story. For another day.
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PEACE LOVE HARMONY TO ALL
Katrina,
I am glad that you are a survivor and also glad that you survived an attack when you were 19. Please accept my condolences as far as the loss of your brother. And the loss of your dad. I wish you the best for 2024.
Congratulations Anne on your post going viral! Your words touch hearts! Thank you so much for touching mine, especially this past year! I have always loved your poetry, but now your poems and your book Always There definitely soften the hard reality of my own personal grief. Thank you, my dear friend! Love and prayers as you continue to allow Jesus to use you to reach others and comfort them!
Shari,
Thank you for your encouraging words, which have been so uplifting to me, always. Praying for you, Shari.
Two more memes have gone viral! Pray for this journey. I want to hear God’s voice and His leading. So please lift me in prayer about this.
Love you.
Wow, Anne. Powerful, powerful article. I’m rejoicing with you in how many you have and are helping with your heartfelt words. Thank you for being true to your calling.
Danielle,
Thanks so much. I just want to hear his voice in all of this.
And I believe I will if I’m waiting on Him.
Anne
Hi Anne,
It’s humbling and endearing, knowing that one is not alone, when one experiences such loss. There is that calming reassurance from God, and He sometimes places the right person’s in our path to give a timely encouragement. At times, just their presence alone can be of help.
Thanks for sharing, and I pray that your heart have been already healed from your loss, and you can look back at the wonderful moments you all shared.
Best wishes for 2024 and all the best moving forward in your writing.May your writing works continue to touch hearts.
Shalom
Carolyn,
Thank you for reading and also for taking the time to leave a comment. I agree, sometimes God does place the right person in our path to give a word of encouragement. I have had multiple losses and God has done a ton of healing. I found that I needed to face my loss instead of making myself busy so I wouldn’t face it. And it was when I was willing to do grief work that some of the better memories surfaced. My heart goes out to those who are in grief.
Thank you for your encouraging words concerning my writing. I hope 2024 is a good year for you as well.
Resting in Him,
Anne
Anne, thank you for being my Sister in Christ.
Thank you for what you do. Thank you for your Love for Our Heavenly Father.
Your Brother
Doy Richards
Doy,
I appreciated your comment about being your sister in Christ. And thank you for your encouraging words.
Anne Peterson