I remember when I was a people pleaser. Okay, I am still a people pleaser to a degree, but I remember when I was worse. Much, much worse.
When you come from a dysfunctional family you adopt ways to survive and unfortunately those ways of coping don’t work in the real world. If your home was abusive, you learn to please those around you. You don’t do it because you want to do it, you just know it will be less painful.
I grew up without the freedom of making my own decisions. Consequently I didn’t know how and when I became an adult. I felt incapable of making my own decisions, and anytime I did, it was painful. So I learned to just get the opinions of others every time I had to make a decision.
I had no trouble finding people who would readily tell me what I should do. And once someone gave me their opinion, well I felt obligated to follow it.
I think that’s what Sonny’s problem was. Sonny is the story of a little blues guitar who loved playing the blues. That is until he started listening to his friends.
One of his friends thought he should be playing other music, so Sonny tried that. Another friend thought Sonny should take a vacation.
Sonny had no boundaries. But he didn’t know that. After all, he was just a guitar.
When I wrote this story I thought it was a cute idea. Afterwards I realized I’m a lot like Sonny. Maybe you are too.
Today you can get Sonny Follows His Heart in the Kindle version for free. You can do that right here.
But first, maybe you’d like to see the trailer below.
The truth is, all of us have a little bit of Sonny in us.
Download this book and enjoy the illustrations created by my husband using a computer mouse.
It’s a book your kids and grandkids are sure to enjoy.
And then you’ll know what Sonny decides to do.
Hi Anne,
I loved this piece! I also know what you mean about trying to be a people pleaser. Now that I know, I’m going to be more aware of it 🙂
Sasha,
The thing is, people like people-pleasers so unless someone recognizes they do this, they will continue.
This really touched my heart. I only recently became aware of my people-pleasing habits and honestly, sometimes the line is VERY thin between people-pleasing and allowing God to use you for His purpose, like helping friends out with babysitting, etc. When is enough, enough? When do you know it’s ok to say no. I just never want to miss out on an opportunity to do something for God but fear I sometimes get myself stuck in situations where I feel trapped and my heart is not in it anymore. Perhaps you have some advice on this for me?
Thank you for reading and for your comments. I agree that sometimes the line is thin but I think if we ask God to lead us, he will. And people pleasing will not lead us closer to him. If you start resenting what you are doing, even if it is a good thing, you need to look at that. Sounds like you are already aware of this since you mentioned doing something when your heart is no longer in it.
Ivonn,
One thing that helped me was reading a book called Boundaries. That gave me a clear understanding of when I was people pleasing and when I was doing too much. You might want to read that book. When you find your heart is not in it, you are probably feeling that way because you allowed the person to get too much of you.